Anchor and Ember

A place for healing and encouragement

Introduction to “Cowboys don’t Cry”

[This is the message I shared at church on Saturday 31 January 2026, to introduce the men to what this is all about]

1) Introduction (2 minutes)

  • “Men need a place to become emotionally strong.”
  • “I’m not here to help you connect with your feminine side, emotions are a part of who we are” [you are a spirit, you have a soul (mind, will & emotions) and you live in a body]
  • Jesus met people in their pain, where they were.  
    • Psalm 34:18 “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” NIV
    • Isaiah 61:1 “… he has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,…” ESV
      • The faith of the centurion Matthew 8:5-13
      • The rich young ruler Matthew 19:16-30
      • The woman at the well John 4:5-30

2) The Problem (5 minutes)

  • We weren’t taught emotions
    • My parents, 
    • school and 
    • even the church didn’t teach me about emotions. 
  • I learned how to cope, before I learned how to process. 
  • We cope in ways that work short-term, but cost us long-term
    • We are wounded or encounter a difficult emotion and then we compensate (often in ways that are not healthy or sustainable)
      • Anger, 
      • Comfort food,
      • Shutdown (hiding in my shell),  
      • Porn, 
      • Overworking, 
      • Withdrawal (stil stuipe),
  • Men are taught to cope, push through, suppress, keep going, not show weakness…
  • Emotional strength is not emotional silence. 
  • Emotional strength is learning how to understand what you feel, regulate it, bring it to God, and respond wisely – instead of burying it or exploding. 

3) The Vision (5 minutes)

What Cowboys Don’t Cry is:

  • A space for men to learn emotional strength
  • Not Therapy / Counselling
  • Not “bare your soul” 
  • Foundation-level training: emotions + regulation + bringing pain to God + brotherhood
  • What does the Bible say about emotional healing and wholeness?
    • 3 John 1:2 “Beloved, I pray that you may prosper in all things and be in health, just as your soul prospers.” NKJV
    • John 10:10 “The thief does not come except to steal, and to kill, and to destroy. I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly.” NKJV
    • Psalm 42:11 “Why, my soul, are you downcast? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God.” NIV
    • Psalm 23:3 “He restores my soul;…” NKJV
    • Psalm 91:4 “He shall cover you with His feathers, And under His wings you shall take refuge;” NKJV
    • Matthew 6:34 “Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.” NKJV

4) How it works (5 minutes)

Practical & low friction:

  • weekly meetups in a small group setting
  • WhatsApp groups for 5 or less men – support
  • Simple manual & homework (Ebook and PDF)
  • Discussion prompts
  • Learn tools (fight/flight/freeze, weather not a verdict, feel it (in safe doses) to heal it, regulation toolbox)

5) Invitation (3 minutes)

Clear call to action:

  • Sometimes we can be very stubborn. When you brake a bone, you go to the Doctor – he sets it and places it in a cast. 
  • When the heart is wounded, we often say that “time heals all wounds.” 
  • But many emotional wounds need intentional care too.

Martin de Coning