Looking back, I skipped an update for May.
It’s been a difficult month. Three weeks ago a close relative contracted pneumonia and soon after I got bronchitis that went really deep and almost became pneumonia. I’m still coughing a lot at times, very grateful to be over the worst of it now.
Being sick means that now much has happened here in the past few weeks. I’d hoped to have started my TikTok and YouTube by now, but I also feel that God wants me to wait a little. I’ve been incredibly driven since starting Anchor and Ember last year and recently I found myself wondering:
Why do we do the things that we do?
Am I doing this because I want others to affirm me, to see that I care?
This is dangerous because if my primary motive is to be seen, then I can easily start going after views, change the message or add to it if I feel that it will accomplish my goal of being seen.
Am I trying to find meaning in my pain?
Meaningless pain can feel unbearable. God is busy working in me and my own healing has value, for me too, not just for others. Yes my pain can become thing that benefits others (Romans 8:28), but that is not the primary reason for it.
The harvest is plenty and the workers are few
One of the reasons that I do what I do, is because I see how deeply a lot of people are hurting – often without realising what is happening. God has brought me through some very difficult times and my heart is crying out that there are others that are hurting too, and that God would help me to reach them.
I’m very passionate about the message:
- Pain, as uncomfortable and difficult as it is to endure – tells us where the problem is. This makes it very precious.
- Emotions are signals and they tell us something.
When we ignore our emotions and bury our emotional pain, it is like ignoring a pressure cooker. Men have told me to “leave the past behind me” and when we do this, we stick a band aid over an infected wound. Healing is painful. When a frozen heart thaws, the first thing it normally feels is pain. When my journey with emotions started in 2024, I had no idea how painful it would be. I had been burying emotional pain for decades at this point. There were times that I didn’t know if I could keep walking this path and times that I wanted to turn back.
God is faithful and He is not afraid of our pain and experiences. He wants us to share them with Him.
Psalm 42:11 “Why am I discouraged? Why is my heart so sad? I will put my hope in God! I will praise him again—my Savior and my God!” NLT
God loves us more than we can comprehend, the prophet spoke of Jesus:
Isaiah 61:1 “…He has sent me to comfort the brokenhearted…” NLT
God’s love gives us strength and hope to continue. Healing is a process, sometimes we wish that the process could move faster. God in his mercy and wisdom goes as fast as we can safely manage.
John 16:33 “I have told you all this so that you may have peace in me. Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world.” NLT
If your journey is taking longer than you expected, if your heart hurts, know that God still loves you – even when you feel alone. God has placed people in my life to support me and I trust that He is doing the same for you.